Sixth.

I found a church to go to here in Charleston. I need to go. I need support from something and someone greater than just my friends and my family. I need a place to go that can just be my space where I can sit and think and figure things out. The service starts at 9:00 am. Its only two blocks from campus. I know what to wear.

But I'm so scared to go back. I'm scared that I'm not going to find what I'm looking for. I'm scared that I'll get there and it won't be what I need. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to find a church where I feel at home again.

Fifth.

You could say that March has been a month of reality checks and wake- up calls. The amount of information I've learned about people, life, and most importantly myself is absolutely overwhelming. Here's what I've learned:

-Don't take anything for granted. Ever.

-ALWAYS think before you act and before you speak. Don't make decisions without fully analyzing the situation at hand.

-Don't focus on and stress about the things you have no control over.

-Take it all one day at a time.

and

-Don't close your heart off. Be cautious, but don't be inaccessible.

Someone from my past told me that I couldn't distance myself from anyone who had ever hurt me or let me down. Unfortunately, they fit right into that category of people. I disagree with them on some levels. I think its my right as a human and a young women to protect and take care of myself, and if that involves distancing myself from those who cause me harm, then I believe I am well within my rights to do so. However, they were right on some counts. I can't cut out anyone who ever disappoints me even once. If I do, there won't be anyone left at the end of the day.

I've disappointed myself this month, though. I've been put in situations that I handled things badly and the outcome could have been much more positive, and I've been put in situations that were completely out of my control once they started, and even these I've handled badly. And now I'm stuck wishing that I hadn't put myself in those situations in the first place.

You live and you learn and you move on. It just takes a while sometimes.

Fourth.

This past weekend, I was part of something bigger than myself. This past weekend, I participated in an all night event for Children's Miracle Network, the program that works directly with the children's hospital here in Charleston. The tagline was "Standing up for the kids who can't". And we physically did that, we stood all night. We were taught dances (break dancing, swing dancing, etc) and several local bands came to keep the several hundred of us company as we stayed up all night, raising money for CMN. At the conclusion of the weekend and the past week's philanthropy events, it was revealed that we raised almost $75,000 for the children's hospital here in Charleston. Close to $20,000 of that was raised by my sisters and myself. I could not have been prouder to call myself a Phi Mu than I was Saturday night when they told us the total amounts raised. We truly made a difference that night.

The most humbling part of the weekend was when we got to meet some of the kids who are patients at the children's hospital at MUSC. I met and played with children with conditions ranging from simple speech impediments to stage 4 cancers. One little boy about 4 years old played with my group of friends most of the time he was there. He has tumors growing on his face and scalp and back, all of them benign, and had lost his vision in one of his eyes because of it. But despite his condition, he was quite possibly the happiest little boy I have ever met in my life. He didn't care that his face was scarred from surgeries past, he didn't care that he only had vision in one of his eyes, he just enjoyed playing ball, dancing, and singing with us for most of the night. I had the privilege of meeting his parents as well that night. They were the two strongest and most loving people I have ever come in contact with. They had complete faith that their son would grow up healthy and happy and never doubted for a second that he was going to do great things. It made me wish that my faith was as strong as theirs.

I joined the "Be the Match" foundation Saturday night as well. This foundation is the primary resource for which patients can receive bone marrow transplants. If someone needs bone marrow and can't get a match from their family or anyone close to them and my name is pulled up in the registry as a match, I'll be their donor. I'm honestly scared of what it'll be like if I get matched with someone to be their donor, but that fact that I could save someone's life COMPLETELY outweighs that fear. I wasn't involved in community service in high school, and before now, I haven't really done much to give back. So this is my chance. And I'm taking every opportunity I can to make a difference.

So now I'm asking you, whoever out there is reading this, what can you do today, tomorrow, and the next day to make a difference in someone's life? It doesn't have to be anything drastic, you can sign up to volunteer at an animal shelter, or go volunteer at a homeless shelter for a month of two, or just collect canned goods for a food drive in your area. You could even donate blood at a blood drive. All of these things are simple, easy to do, and the absolute high you get from knowing that you've potentially changed someone's life for the better is the best thing you can get out of it.