"Remember, remember the fifth of November..."

"...gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot." V for Vendetta

Day 5 of the Thirty Day Challenge:
Tell about a time where you thought about ending your life?

I am thankful every day that I have never hit this level of rock bottom. I've been close, I won't deny it. But there has always been someone to pull be out of it and (one time literally) smack some sense into me. Freshmen year was rough. It was the first full year that my parents weren't together and I handled myself badly. I spent the entire summer trying to hold the remainder of my family together that eventually I just lost it. I was a wreck for most of that year and I owe surviving that year to a very special person in my life. Since then, I've never hit that low before. There have been some times when all I want to do is give up and let someone else make the decisions for me. If I stop and think about it, I'm tired all the time. Not just sleepy tired, but tired of how things can be sometimes. I'm tired of having to choose between parents. I'm tired of being the buffer between my parents and between my parents and my brother. I'm tired of literally living a double life. But I don't think about it anymore. I wake up every single day and I deal with it. I push through it. Because I know, that in two and a half very short years, I am going to be on my own and I can CREATE my own life. I can make my life for myself however I see fit. And the fact that I will be living my own life separate from anyone else is what is getting me through these next few years.

A message to ANYONE out there that actually reads this:
Ending your life is not a solution. I've been there, at that rock bottom, and it sucks like nothing else in the world. But I promise you, things get better. Just hang in there, and find someone (anyone) who can be that person for you. The person you call at 2am when you don't think you can make it anymore. The person who is just there for you when you need them most. If you need someone, call me. I'm here, and I've been where you think you are. But I promise that there is hope for you and the life you don't want to live anymore. Remember: You are beautiful and fantastic and wonderful and LOVED. Don't forget that.